Learning how to feel happier can allow us to live longer, to do better in the workplace, and to be a better citizen.
Feel Happier by Finding Your Meaning to Happiness1
The concept of happiness is quite abstract for most of us. How can we be happy if we do not understand what it means? Many people need objective definitions if they are going to implement a new habit in their lives. For example, if a doctor tells you to eat 3 pieces of fruit per day, you know what to do: You will eat 3 pieces of fruit per day. If I tell you to make happiness a priority in your life, and you do not know what happiness is for you: You will not do it.
Tip to Fell Happier #1: Understand what happiness means for you.
Write down a clear definition of happiness. As you write your definition, think about what makes you feel happy: What are those sensations?; Where are those sensations derived from?; Who are you with?; What are you doing?
Happiness Enhancing Decisions2
We often think that external elements in our life, such as big houses, beautiful cars, or the perfect job will bring us happiness. However, the happiness paradox is that when we finally get the house, car, and job our happiness level has not increased. Although happiness is deemed to be a goal for most of us, we act in a way that completely undermines our happiness. We often sacrifice happiness for other goals. The reason for happiness eroding decisions is that we are unaware of the fact that we are subconsciously letting happiness fleet away from our lives, unless alerted by someone (such as myself!). When faced by a choice, how many times do we ask ourselves: “Which decision will make me happier?”
Tip to Fell Happier #2: Remind yourself to make happiness enhancing decisions.
When looking at different options: take the time to think about which option will make you happier. Taking that time will increase your happiness, regardless of how many external objects you possess.
Enjoying the Process1
Devaluing happiness is a common practice in our society. We chase a specific goal and forget to enjoy the process of getting to that goal. Once we do attain that goal, the happiness derived from it vanishes quickly. Making sure we enjoy the process is an important step in attaining happiness- fully embrace those positive experiences. However, constantly monitoring our happiness can also have negative effects. Happiness is the same as sleep. Sometimes we become so anxious that we will not fall asleep that the very reason we are not falling asleep is due to the anxiety that we will not fall asleep. Same goes for happiness: We become so focused and anxious about not making happiness enhancing decisions that the anxiety about not making the right decision will override the happiness itself.
Tip to Feel Happier #3: Make sure you prioritize happiness and enjoy the process without obsessing about your happiness.
Avoid Mind Wandering: Stay in the Present3,4
As humans, our brain has a prefrontal lobe. This part of our brain has evolved quite recently, that is approximately 200 000 years ago. It distinguishes us from the other fellow mammals on the Earth. The higher, outer part of the prefrontal lobe allows us to have virtual realities in our mind, to have imagined thinking.
Prefrontal Lobe: Benefits
Let’s start with the good. The prefrontal lobe allows us to not do what our instincts say. For example, if your Rage System wants you to punch your brother because he is upsetting you, your prefrontal lobe allows you to imagine the consequences of that action. It inhibits you from following your instinct because punching your brother has several drawbacks in the future that you can “virtually imagine”. Animals do not have this ability, which is why they follow their instincts. The evolution of our brain to be able to imagine what is not happening presently is quite a cognitive achievement. Unfortunately, it isn’t all good.
Prefrontal Lobe: Drawbacks
Research has proven that our ability to think about what is not going on around us, presently, decreases our happiness. This is called “mind wandering”. A study collected real time reports using a Happiness Tracker App from thousands of adults, varying in age, income, education, and marital status. Participants were sent questions throughout the day asking an:
- Happiness question: How are you feeling now?
- Activity question: What are you doing now?
- Mind wandering question: Are you thinking about something other than what you are doing right now? + Pleasure associated with the thought
Notable findings:
- Mind wandering happens in almost 50 % of activities they were doing. The highest mind wandering rates were in activities such as showering, and commuting. The lowest ratings of mind wandering were in activities such as playing and having sex.
- Participants were much happier when they reported that they were focused on the present than when they were mind wandering, including the least enjoyable activities (stay focused on the traffic!)
- Even when participants were mind wandering about pleasant thoughts, they were happier when they were not mind wandering.
- There is a strong positive relationship between mind wandering being unhappy afterwards.
Tip to Feel Happier #4: Stay focused on what you are doing in the present moment, no matter what activity you are engaging in.
References:
1Raghunathan, R. (2016.) If you’re so smart, why aren’t you happy? Penguin Random House LLC.
